A common question I get in my clinic is how to ‘fix’ a child who always seems to be dysregulated. And I mean ALWAYS. Like it’s the only state they seem to know.

And this can look different for each and every child. But the common denominator? Is a mother who is trusting her intuition, that something is just not ^quite^ right, for whatever reason (and is seeking support from someone who won’t dismiss her).

Now the things I’m going through in this blog are just a few of the things that can cause CONSTANT dysregulation. But generally speaking, they are easy for you to fix at home. These are not necessarily going to fix all nervous system imbalances, so if you have tried them all and aren’t getting anywhere, don’t lose faith just yet.

So let’s go through some of the factors that can impact how your child regulates day to day. And you may have even heard of these, given they’re the ‘lowest hanging fruit’ of brain function.

Reasons why your child is always dysregulated

[And what to do about it]

Blood sugar

Blood sugar dysregulation is a double edged sword, and let me explain why. Children who have nervous system dysregulation (especially if their dominant baseline level is fight/flight), no matter what they do they will have blood sugar imbalances.

These kids will seek sugary, high carb foods to help BALANCE their blood sugars. And will be in an awful mood until they’re able to use food to support them. These kids are often snackers - eating every 2 hours or so - gravitating towards high GI foods.

On the other hand, a child who only eats sugar and high GI carbohydrates by choice will have blood sugar highs and lows that can create a ridiculous amount of behaviour and emotional dysregulation. The hangry kid who will meltdown hold out until they get the food they want, then have a ‘high’ followed by a ‘low.

If you’re thinking your child has a blood sugar imbalance, you might like my free webinar on the topic. Sign up here.

Dehydration

I noticed a huge reduction in my kids water intake when they went to school. They were so busy having fun and learning that they just didn’t stop to listen to their bodies.

Not only can dehydration appear like hunger, it can lower brain function! Makes sense given we are approximately 70% water.

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “just add water” to any kind of bad day. And while that saying might be referring to water play, you might like to encourage your child to drink regularly during the day to prevent emotional meltdowns. By the time your child is having a meltdown, it’s too late to rehydrate! Well, it will take about 20 minutes to rehydrate (and who has ever tried to get a child to do something mid-meltdown? we know it doesn’t work).

Sleep

Ahhh that old chestnut! Sleep is important for cleaning the brain. Deep sleep in particular.

The brain has a system called the glymphatic system, which activates during sleep to literally wash away all the metabolic byproducts of the day. There are some theories that ‘sleep pressure’ is actually a build-up of byproducts that need to be cleaned away!

The issue here is that if you get a poor night’s sleep, the cleaning doesn’t occur. And brain inflammation leads to even worse quality sleep (it can be a downward spiral). And then? The more inflamed your brain is, the more dysregulated your behaviour and emotions are.

Safety cues

Safety cues are things that make your child’s nervous system feel, well, SAFE. This is important because a nervous system that does not feel safe will remain in fight or flight (or sympathetic activation).

Safety cues are different for each individual, but some common ones include:

a mother’s smile
a hug
a favourite place
holding hands
a smell
a room
a cuddly toy

Throughout the day, these safety cues provide enough input into the nervous system allow it to drop into the parasympathetic state. This is also known as the ventral vagal / social engagement state. Which is still a fancy way to staying a calm and regulated kid!

Mirror neurons (ie the parents state)

I put this one last, because it’s the hardest pill to swallow for many parents!

While we know that our nervous system state can influence our kids, it’s actually astonishing to learn just how much this can have an impact.

Mirror neurons are nerve cells that MIRROR the state of others around us. This is part of the whole ‘you become like who you spend most of your time with’.

Our children, with less developed nervous systems than us, are still learning how to process the world. So they rely heavily on their mirror neuron system to gauge safety, danger, stress, and emotional regulation (to name a few things).

So when we as adults have spent our lives in fight/flight, it is all good and well seeking support for your kids (because I know for me personally, I was desperate to create a life for my kids that wasn’t my experience of life). However if you’re working so hard on ‘fixing’ your kid, you might want to look in the mirror and see what you’re possibly reflecting onto your child [this perfection/fix it response is actually a sign you’re in an activated state, btw].

How we respond to stress, how we go about our daily lives, and even how we process our emotions.. these are all things that our children absorb through the mirror neurons. They learn that our behaviour is ‘normal’, and they act accordingly. We are supposed to keep them safe after all.

The biggest kicker? This all happens SUBCONSCIOUSLY. We are completely unaware we are doing it, and they are completely unaware they’re mirroring us.

So if you’re having a hard time (and that’s ok, we all do), you might like to consider how your child is mirroring your current nervous system state. And perhaps spend some time in self-care, creating some safety cues for yourself, and then see how your child responds to you.